She

She knew it. She knew there will be something. She wasnt say that she was so sure bout it,
it just you cant deny something that your heart feels. They connected from the start, and 
of course he did touched her heart ever since.
.
.
.
"I dont know if i want you.", she said.
"But i know i dont want anyone else to have you.", she added.
.
.
.
She put the least expectation she could ever thought from him; so there's no ones heart will be broke.
She always say to herself, "How terrified it could be when everyone could just get up and leave you at any moment when you were so attached." So she just prepared herself for the worst.
.
.
.
Mistakes were made, lessons were learned.

faam

Movies

You know what, i just realized that if i cant share my probs to my buddy, i tend to channel my sorrow and grief by watching sad movies and no one will ever questioned why the hell i'm weeping and crying my lungs out lol well at least it soothes me hewheww

faam

Cry

"You don't really know someone unless you've cried with them." -- Art, Monster University 

I guess he's right. We opened up to someone we trust, someone we really know by heart, well at least that's what we thought, right?

How innocent we were.....
.
.
.
Did i just gave you the mixed signals? Aaahh my bad!

faam

ENG

Aku perati je beberapa orang yang aku kenal ni obses dengan Jepun dah bertahun-tahun, dari kecik ahh dan depa end up dapat study sana, menetap kat sana. Alhamdulillah rezeki depa.

Aku pulak boleh masuk kategori obses dengan Britain, British gentlemen, Britpop, London, Arsenal dan yang asal boleh ada kaitan dengan England la senang kabor. Ayat depa wayyy too polite ah kalau nak compare dengan US yang ass tu huhuu. Pulak tu, aku dah lama gigih pasang niat nak keje kat sana, or further study kat situ or paling-paling pun, backpacking ah seminggu dua kat situ, kira #lifegoal ah. 

Tapi tu lah, aku plan je ni, tengok jauh mana plan aku menjadi. Tuhan kan best planner. Harap-harap Dia terima plan aku. Amiin hehe.

Tak salah pun berangan, free je kan? :")

faam

Ghase-ghase?

Disebabkan aku nak distract otak aku dari pikir benda yang tak best, so aku nak citer pasal benda yang aku terfikir dari dulu lagi.

Aku sejak azali lagi pikir, jodoh kita tu mesti muka iras-iras kita jugak. hmm 
walaupun ada je yang laki bini muka tak sama langsung dan dyorang kekal je sampai sekarang, 
aku still takleh ubah mindset aku tu, aku tetap merasakan jodoh seseorang tu mesti muka mirip. 
so kalau aku crush on ke sesape, mesti aku perati balik muka dia, iras aku ke tak LOL
so kalau ada beberapa calon, aku lebihkan yang iras aku la HAHAA okay nonsense dah bye.

faam

Great

i dont know maynn, what just happened?
am i dreaming or what?
i always thought that this is a nightmare so i just need to freaking wake up!
Am i this strong?

Okay i'm not questioning everything. I swear, for God sake i'm trying to understand what is happening.
but at least, may i take a glance at the silver lining behind this? 

You know what, i could just say like "whateverrr!" and be the ignorant but i CANT because this is just not about me, not anymore! 

*********************************************

A few days ago, i randomly scrolled my dashboard of Tumblr and found this reminder. Terpukul.

Satu ketika Nabi s.a.w ditanya “Siapakah org yg paling berat ujiannya?”. Maka Baginda menjawab: “Para Nabi, kemudian org yg seperti mrk sesudahnya, & org semacam mrk berikutnya. Seseorg itu akan diuji sesuai dgn kadar agamanya. Apabila org itu kuat agamanya maka semakin keras ujiannya. Jika agamanya lemah maka dia akan diuji sesuai dgn kadar agamanya. Maka musibah & ujian itu sentiasa menimpa seorg hamba hingga dia ditinggalkan berjln di atas muka bumi dlm keadaan bersih dari dosa.” (HR Imam Tirmizi)

Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan berlaku zalim kpd hambaNya. Setiap yg diuji itu adalah sesuai dgn tahap kemampuan hambaNya. Cuma sbg hamba, hendaklah berusaha utk mengatasinya. Sekiranya seseorg itu tidak berusaha utk menghadapinya, sudah pasti mrk tidak mampu berhadapan dgn ujian yg menimpanya. Sudah pasti jiwanya akan semakin lemah & akhirnya putus asa semakin mendekatinya. Inilah yg paling ditakuti bakal menimpa seseorg manusia itu. Ya, putus asa!

Apabila seseorg itu telah mencapai tahap kebergantungan & keyakinan yg sebenar-benarnya kpd Allah, maka segala ujian yg menimpanya itu akan diterima dgn redha & kesabaran. Sekiranya dtg kesedihan dlm hatinya maka bersegeralah dia beristigfar memohon keampunan kpdNya & akhirnya hatinya kembali tenang menerima ujian yg sdg menimpanya. Pada mrk, setiap ujian itu semuanya baik-baik belaka.

Berusahalah & yakinlah Allah akan membantumu.

-@abu.hanifahh

And ofcoz la aku taknak jauh dari Tuhan. Aku kira, ini cara Tuhan panggil aku supaya dapat lebih mendekati Dia. Bisik saja pada diri, "Kau kena kuat, sayang. Tuhan nak kau datang dekat tu :)"

faam

t.

walaupun tak kerap mana pun aku on tumblr, di hati aku,
tumblr tetap terbaik. underrated hmmm.

benci hang tumblr!

faam

Kongsi

Aku salah seorang manusia yang tak suka share problem. suka share citer pasal crush ke pasal barang baik ke apa-apa yang gumbira je sebab malas nak asyik sebar negative vibe kat orang. lagi pulak, orang bukan kisah pun masalah aku kan. kalau aku citer problem tu mesti ada something la tu. dengar je la ye.

Aku kira, manusia macam ni tak berapa gemar berkongsi masalah ada beberapa faktor lah. faktor cliche aku malas nak up, tapi faktor aku baru discover ni aku nak sembang sini.
You know what, mungkin sebab selalunya masalah melibatkan pihak lain jugak, taknak mengaibkan orang tu la senang kabor. macam dah kira mengata belakang kan kan? :( lagi-lagi kalau pihak lain tu yang bersalah (selalunya pihak kita je la betul kalau kita yang bercerita yedok hmm)

So pernah tak terfikir? Kalau kita share problem kat member, secara tak langsung kita dah ter-mengata orang yang terlibat dalam problem kita tu. pastu macam mana? kalau tahan je tak luah pun payah jugak. share kat Tuhan je kah? hmm okay awak okay...

faam

Wandey

i can lose you in one day

faam

Hmm

i just dont geddit.
i do respect them, aku sayang gila weh dyorang. bila sembang pasal dyorang, serius aku puji melangit.
but i still dont geddit why they did this to me?
Habis tu, kau nak suruh aku buat-buat tak perasan je kau buat aku camni?

serius la weh? aku salah apaaaaaaaa 

i hate myself for caring too much eventho they just dont deserve it.

faam

The IT Chicks

"its not like i dont fit in, i just cant allow myself to be part of them."


but thats before i realized this magic feeling. They have something that i never get when i was in my prev course. They've a very inspiring teamwork-ship lulz no i'm serious. i never have the chance to experienced anything like this before. no before i applied into this IT course.

They were like.... 
"Hey i know how to do this coding shit!" 
"How dude?" 
"Okay come to my room i'll teach you how"
So here we go. 4 of us come to her room to listen to her lecture, for hours.

"I dont know this :("
"okay i'm gonna show you how"

*doing maths problems with maths genius*
"i'm already sleepy"
"then go to sleep lah!"
"i cant. i need to stay awake so i can help you if you have anything to ask. stand and fall together"
"DONT BE FREAKING CHEESY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT CAN AH?"


See?

ofcoz thats not the exact conversation we had, thats sooooo manglish maaa. And we're not even speaking all the time hahahaahahaa kemon.
but that's the overview, conclude everything isnt it? :)

They never let one of us be left out, left behind. no. I love this kind of environment. Self-centered thingy never had the chance to grow here :)  

i start to love them even more. looking forward for more exciting and adventurous moments together insyaAllah.

faam

Go

Ego isnt a nice thing to brag to people. like
"heyy my ego is so high like a g6"
NOOO!

to be frank, i've a sky-scraping ego growing beneath myself. in fact, i've been surrounded by a few of egocentric people. and lately i've been thinking, the good thing to have egoistic friends is that you'll eventually giving up your ego for the sake of friendship, because you value your friendship way more than your parasitic ego.

as time passed by, the ego worth nothing if thats the reason i'm gonna lose my very good friends. 
in fact, you and your ego will no longer suit together because you've been trained to pulled out your ego quite a few time. see?



Dear bestfriends, 

you know i love you more than anything, right?
i'm gonna do whatever i need to do to keep you, to have you till the last breathe.
bcoz my life not gonna be the same without you. surely i'll cry my lungs out for my whole life if i ever lose you, and moreee if the reason is me. not gonna let that happen. ever. for God sake. freaking pls.

p/s: shits getting real. shit.

faam

if

If and only if If and only if never exist.
.
.
.
.
Did i? ahh right....

faam

Limit

You shall never put a limit for your thought
it may go further beyond the limit...


....you're now insane by the way.

faam

Narrate

You may narrate something you've faced; by the heart.
You could narrate something you've imagined; by the thought.
You shall narrate something you've felt; by the way.

faam

AE

Is she my alter ego in disguise or what

faam

Lies

We write lies, pretty white lies

and getting darker....

faam

Fool

i lied to myself
for all this while
that i don't demand you.
i must be fool
to buy the obvious myth.
i dont even know what i need
or when i mean it
so i must be fool
to be fooled by the fool....

faam

Foul

You lived in denial
projecting the false emotion
the truth that you hold
will engulf your helpless soul.

100415 8.34pm

faam

Write

We write in twitter to express the emotion
and the writings remain temporarily
as the time passes by
the tweetcount wouldn't lie.....

We drop a line in blog to publicize our feelings
and hope the writings will stay a little bit longer
as long as we dont really alter
delete it or shove it to draft....

We write in diary on behalf of inner voice
to disclose yet not too exposed
as the pen move swiftly
drips the ink with no urge to stop

But above all,
we just write because no one listen.

.
.
.
No one

faam

Hai

Halamak lama gila gua tinggal belog picisan ni halamak maaflah wahai belog, tuan mu ni boleh tahan real sibuk dia. Kalau free pun, takde pulak nak menghadap engko ni kan huuhuu.

faam

Hik

Ada hikmah kenapa Tuhan uji aku dengan ujian macam ni. Sebab aku mampu tanggung.
Kalau ikutkan, besar jugak ujian ni aku rasa tapi ye la kan aku pun dah lama expect dan bila dah jangka, insyaAllah redha tu timbul. Redha dengan apa yang berlaku so aku berserah je kat Tuhan moga dapat rewards yang lebih indah lepas ujian ni aku lalui dengan tenang. InsyaAllah doakan ye.


May Allah ease :)

faam

Hilang

Bosan ah sembang pasal hati je. Dah berderet entries gua pasal hati ni mual jugak gua rasa.
Eloklah kiranya gua sembang pasal folder gambar lama-lama gua.


FOLDER GAMBAR-GAMBAR TIME ZAMAN MAKTAB YANG GUA DAH ORGANISED BAIK PUNYA DAH HILANG OMG MACAM MANA BOLEH TAK INGAT NAK BACK UP YA ALLAH GERAMNYA KENA SELONGKAR BALIK KAT FB PASTU YANG PERSONAL PUNYA GAMBAR MEMANG TAKDE OMG BENCINYA BENCINYA DAH LAH DARI PUKUL 3PAGI TAK TIDO NI DISEBABKAN NAK SETELKAN HAL LAPTOP DAN INTERNET MACAM RANGKAKAN BABY BLERGHHH


p/s: i dunno 'rangkakan' word even exist.


faam

Jay

Okay gua rasa gua patut teruskan untuk pilih 
'orang yang kita suka' over 'orang yang suka kita'.

Lagipun mamat yang gua dah lama syok ni gua rasa tersangat okay dengan jiwa gua. 
Apahal nak carik lain yedok?

faam

faam

Gua ekceli ragu-ragu nak mintak classmates panggil gua as "faam". 

Sekarang ni dyorang panggil gua "fatin" je. Gua rasa lain macam sangat.

No its not like i dont fancy my real name but its just like i lost myself as i'm using this "faam" name quite a long time, for 10 years i supposed. wooo sebati dengan diri gua dah woooo

I really love my "fatin amirah" name yes i do it's a lovely name to me but i prefer "faam" more when the 'caller' is my friend.

For me, let "fatin" or "amirah" are exclusives for certain group of people like family, teachers, lecturers, seniors, strangers and some friends that used to call me by "fatin" like Haziqah and Sue.

Ke macam mane ni?
Ke takyah pikir pun sepatutnya?
Huuuuuu 
.
.
.
.
"Nama apa?"
"Fatin :>"

faam

Girl

Gelakkan membe gua sebab dia drive manual agak .....uhukk..... (cakap orang dia pun sama lol) pastu dia backfire gua balik dengan ayat,

"at least saya tak suruh orang sebelah tukarkan gear hahahhahaaa"
"K."

Orang power macam gua je drive kete tapi mintak co-driver tukarkan gear sebab fed up hahahhaaa

Perangaiiii

(Biasalah tu beginner, macam-macam hal lol)

faam

Hats off

Peristiwa ini terjadi lebih kurang dalam 2 bulan yang lalu di surau sebuah pusat membeli-belah di shah alam.

Peristiwa ini sangat terkesan pada diri aku hingga saat ini.

Aku perasan ada sorang budak kecik dalam lingkungan 7-8 tahun terkial-kial nak pakai telekung. Aku senyum sorang tengok comel je budak kecik nak solat. Tapi terkial-kial dia tu lama, so aku perati dulu la sebab ofcoz la mak dia ada kat situ (sepatutnya) dan tolong anak dia.

Eh tapi still dia berusaha nak pakai telekung surau yang bukan saiz dia tu. Dan tetiba datang seorang gadis dan aku bilang muda sikit dari aku tolong pinkan anak kecil tu dan kembali ke tempatnya yang berada tidak jauh dari budak kecil tu.

Dan dalam otak aku, "Oh tu kakak dia lah tu."

Aku perati je la lagi budak kecik ni dan dia pun solat.

Tengah solat, kain solat budak kecil ni terlucut pulak. Wehhhhh sedih aku budak ni helpless gila dan sungguh kalau ikutkan hati aku, time tu jugak aku pegi kat budak tu dan tolong ikatkan kain solat dia elok-elok. Masalahnya aku ni berada dalam ragu-ragu yang nyata dari awal dan mampu kesiankan diri aku sendiri je sebab tak mampu tolong budak kecik tu yang sangat perlukan pertolongan. Malunya dengan diri aku sendiri. Penakut. Nak tolong pun takut-takut aduhhh.

Dia teruskan je solat sambil terkepit-kepit kain dia supaya tidak terlucut lagi. Dan usai solat, dia terus beredar dari situ, bersendirian.

Laaaa, tadi tu bukan kakak dia? Okay......

Massive respect ah kat anak kecil ni. Tersentuh sangat bila dia berusaha solat dalam keadaan tak reti nak uruskan diri (masih kecil, biasalah masih tak reti buat itu dan ini) dan malah berseorangan pula. Barangkali dia datang dengan ayah dia dan ayah dia di surau lelaki. Barangkali juga lah.

Malu akak kat adik kecil ni, dia sangat berani solat sorang diri di tempat asing takde orang teman. Akak ni nak tolong adik pun takut-takut lagi. Maaf dik :((

faam

db ohoii

i never thought he actually has a twitter account........ and look what i've found just now

*pengsan*

p/s: 

Poyo je ayat "i know deep down she doesnt love me". poyo sangat. 

Tahu mana? Lain kali tanya dulu he he he

faam

Guwe

Sungguh, berani amat seyh published luahan perasaan yang sangat daring itu.

Poyo jugak rasanya tapi biar lah, 


blog engko keeeeeeew?

LOL

faam

Realistic

Dear J,

idk maynn. Even i want you so bad, but you still just like an illusion to me. idk if i'm just being a delusional secret admire or what. Do you hear me? So i guess I'm gonna stop giving hope or holding on to something that doesnt exist. You got me? 

We're cool, right?

faam

Nomo

I could probably write a few pages of my feelings yet it was full of shitty lies. I can do that.

been there, done that.

Or maybe it wasnt total shit, it just like the feeling wasnt there anymore.

How was it? Fair enough? :)

 

faam

Ws

Dulu zaman tak matang, gua selalu tertanya-tanya macam mana nak lepaskan diri dari texting dengan bf hari-hari (ofcoz time ada bf lah). 
i mean kemon bukan taknak text ke apa cume takleh ke kalau tak contact hari-hari? 
Gua pun ada benda nak buat and kalau tertido lupa text ke apa ke macam .... idk lah.

And yes kalau dia tak text gua pun gua rasa pelik gak haa camtu la kiranya gua tertanya-tanya acano nak get rid perasaan pelik tak dapat text dari dia.
.
.
.
And nowwww baru gua dapat solution nya.

Camne?

Okay there's one guy, and he's not even my bf. i dont need one hokkayyy!
kami takde la selalu whatsapp (ws) pun and i'm totally okay with that.
And yeah that's the actual solution!

bila tak selalu ws la membuatkan gua rasa tak perlu pun nak ws dia hari-hari even gua suka dia (YEAH I ADMIT THAT THO) 
(Kalau dah sayang tu sayang jugak.eh) (hai awak :3).

Tapi gua pernah baca there's an old saying, 
"A person who really loves you won't spend a day without talking to you" and i bet it is a total bullshit nonsense. or... not (?) 

Semua quotes yang engkorang jumpa kat tumblr ke twitter ke kat memane la tak semestinya applicable dengan situasi engko. 
So tenang je. Anggap je engko ni rare dan tak mainstream. Kalau sesuai, terima je la haa camtu. 
Tapi kalau tak sesuai, engkorang buat la quotes sendiri kakakakaaa

faam

Selesa

Tu la orang dah pesan banyak kali, keluar lah dari comfort zone tu.

Kau berani amek risiko dan kau dapat experienced benda baru which was WAYYY COOLER than you expected! See? 


Bravo, gal!

faam